A Reflection

Well, the eight of August has arrived.  I knew it would.  I am amazed by how different I am this August eighth.  I am certainly not the same person I was last year at this time.  I will always treasure that day, the many memorable moments that occurred, the amazing feelings of joy, love, and excitement that were oozing out of my every pore, and the overwhelming support and joy shared by those I love the most.  However, things changed.  Things did not go as planned.       While my heart is still quite broken, and I am still profoundly confused about the whole situation, and my heart aches for whom/what I lost, I am a better human for having had to deal with the challenges of the past several months.  In some ways I am at peace with the pain, sadness, and general heaviness of my heart over this situation because it means that it was very real and important.  In a sense, my sadness and tears honor the person/relationship that is no longer a part of my life as well as my ability and willingness to truly love and take a huge risk and leap of faith for that person and relationship.  I have derived a great deal of strength, emotional growth, a willingness to take risks, and a lot of faith from the turmoil of the past few months.  I have also gained an even deeper appreciation for my amazingly supportive and encouraging friends and family!  I am so blessed to have each and every one of them and can’t imagine what I would do without their completely unconditional love!        

I have loved and lost, but I have also gained much!  I have gained a level of boldness and bravery that allowed me to quit my job and commit to having no firm plan for the future be my plan.  I have gained the flexibility that allowed me to turn what started out as a one week trip into a several week journey. I have gained the ability to live without structure and recognize and take advantage of opportunities as they present themselves.  I have gained an inner peace that has allowed me to slow down and be still and calm enough to truly appreciate the beauty that is all around me.  I have gained the knowledge that it truly is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all!